Today I’m going to talk about a thorny subject – fat fetishism. So what is a fetish, and what’s the difference between a preference and a fetish? Let start with the basics.
Definition of a fetish from Merriam-Webster:
An object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.
A fat fetishist is particularly sexually attracted to people who are clinically overweight. Sometimes the attraction for fat people is the only fetish present, and in other cases there are others, and these fetishes dictate their sexual relationships.
In essence, chubby chasers need a fat person to get them off, or they at least enjoy sex far more with a fat partner.
Fat fetishists are predominantly heterosexual males, although there’s enough chub to go around for everyone these days – at least as the ‘obesity epidemic’ media fixation suggests. Sometimes (but not always) fat fetishes include feederism – sexual arousal gained through gaining weight (in the case of the feedee) and by helping a partner gain weight – the feeder.
To give you some perspective on my situation, I’m a plus size blogger with a social media following of over 20 thousand people, a good many of them men, and I’m no stranger to being objectified. No matter how many times I remind people that I’m happily married the dick pics still keep coming and so do the dehumanising comments. I sometimes feel like a KFC Bargain Box – my humanity is literally reduced to breasts and thighs like I’m a piece of meat.
In my opinion, there’s a difference between a preference for larger partners or a fetish in which the fat itself is valued above the person.
Now, none of this is empirical evidence – it’s opinion based. I’ve spoken to many people in my research for this piece, but I’m no scientist. Speaking to a lot of people about this subject enables me to paint in broad strokes, but ultimately this subject is a matter of opinion so please feel free to leave your views in the comments. I’ll also point out that I am a cisgender woman who’s married to a man, and as my experiences are of the male-female dynamic, that’s what I’ll be referring to throughout.
I’ve NEVER been out with anyone who met me and said “I love fat girls!” because they’ve liked me as a person, and I’m a person who just happens to be fat. My fat might be the thing people notice about me first, but it’s not the most important thing about me and it sure as hell isn’t ALL there is to me. Some men have a preference for bigger girls, but if they like to get to know a girl as an individual out of a ‘pool’ of her peers and see her as an equal I don’t think that’s a fetish. However, in my 13+ years of using the internet, I’ve seen all sorts. I’ve experienced a lot of men on social media who want to have sex with ANY fat woman in an ‘Any hole’s a goal’ kind of way. They don’t seem to care what a woman is like as a person or anything – because they fetishise the flesh above all else. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that they’re talking to a person. I have heard it said that some fat fetishists make it plain they want to shag people’s fat rolls. What happens in a consensual relationship is none of my business, but I’d be inclined to tell a potential lover to buy a roll of ready-made dough and get freaky with that if he loved rolls above all else.
KA left this comment on fat fetishism vs a preference for fat partners.
For men that I’ve known (and dated), their attraction (not fetish, per se) to larger women stemmed from a larger women who played a role in their development (mother, grandmother, etc).
For men who strictly fetishize fat women, I think that submission and size play a role. Most men seem either want a submissive women or a dominant women. Fat women are great at both– our size makes us intimidating as doms, but our larger size also gives dominant men MORE to dominate over.
However, I think there’s also some truth to the “spaffing” theory. The stereotype that fat women are easy/good lays in ingrained in most men.
The fact that loving/making love to fat women is also taboo plays a role as well. For a lot of men, being with a far girl is their ultimate way of sticking it to the man.
Then I got to wondering if there’s a lot of fetishisation of fat bodies in the kink scene as daring, sexy clothing is often worn and it’s a way to explore sexuality among like minds.
SSF responded – As a fat woman active in the kink community I’m happy to say that my fatness is rarely fetishised. My boots, my corsets, my leather, my breasts often, but just as often as my sadistic glee and my collection of glorious impact toys. My size is rarely if ever mentioned in favour of my Dominance and confidence.
All of my negative experiences of fat fetishism have occurred online and in vanilla settings, not in Kink environments.
LCK said – The biggest kinks I see when it comes to plus size women is the squash and smother fetish, big boob fetish (everything from just liking them, to the bondage of them) and a simple appreciation of curves. The other aspect is the confidence that plus size women have on the scene. It’s so accepting, that you not only get to be yourself, but you are encouraged to be yourself. No one cares what you wear, what you don’t wear, or how you style yourself so long as you’re happy.
So, these comments and reading this previous I+D article on the kink scene, there seems to be a great deal of respect for each individual’s agency at kink events and participants are treated in a respectful way. Why then is this too much to ask of some fetishists, who turn the most banal of photos into something pervy by telling me in no small detail what they want to do to certain parts of my body? How is it that kinksters can see the person through the pvc and leather, and grown men on social media make fully clothed photos of me all about their cocks?
How is it that kinksters can see the person through the pvc and leather, and grown men on social media make fully clothed photos of me all about their cocks?
Ultimately for me, the line between a preference for plus size partners and a fat fetish is RESPECT. When men tell me what they want to do to my tits, arse or vag they aren’t seeing me as a person at all. I’m essentially a Fleshlight with a social media account to them, a vessel. There’s a whole world of difference between someone telling me I’m a pretty girl and someone telling me they want to **beep** my **beep**.
Are there respectful hook ups involving a fat fetish? Are they people out there who enjoy their fat bodies being fetishised? You tell me – over to you.