Exploring Fat Fetishism

by  xLoveLeahx  

Today I’m going to talk about a thorny subject – fat fetishism. So what is a fetish, and what’s the difference between a preference and a fetish? Let start with the basics.

Definition of a fetish from Merriam-Webster:
An object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

A fat fetishist is particularly sexually attracted to people who are clinically overweight. Sometimes the attraction for fat people is the only fetish present, and in other cases there are others, and these fetishes dictate their sexual relationships.

In essence, chubby chasers need a fat person to get them off, or they at least enjoy sex far more with a fat partner.

Fat fetishists are predominantly heterosexual males, although there’s enough chub to go around for everyone these days – at least as the ‘obesity epidemic’ media fixation suggests. Sometimes (but not always) fat fetishes include feederism – sexual arousal gained through gaining weight (in the case of the feedee) and by helping a partner gain weight – the feeder.

To give you some perspective on my situation, I’m a plus size blogger with a social media following of over 20 thousand people, a good many of them men, and I’m no stranger to being objectified. No matter how many times I remind people that I’m happily married the dick pics still keep coming and so do the dehumanising comments. I sometimes feel like a KFC Bargain Box – my humanity is literally reduced to breasts and thighs like I’m a piece of meat.

In my opinion, there’s a difference between a preference for larger partners or a fetish in which the fat itself is valued above the person.

Now, none of this is empirical evidence – it’s opinion based. I’ve spoken to many people in my research for this piece, but I’m no scientist. Speaking to a lot of people about this subject enables me to paint in broad strokes, but ultimately this subject is a matter of opinion so please feel free to leave your views in the comments. I’ll also point out that I am a cisgender woman who’s married to a man, and as my experiences are of the male-female dynamic, that’s what I’ll be referring to throughout.

I’ve NEVER been out with anyone who met me and said “I love fat girls!” because they’ve liked me as a person, and I’m a person who just happens to be fat. My fat might be the thing people notice about me first, but it’s not the most important thing about me and it sure as hell isn’t ALL there is to me. Some men have a preference for bigger girls, but if they like to get to know a girl as an individual out of a ‘pool’ of her peers and see her as an equal I don’t think that’s a fetish. However, in my 13+ years of using the internet, I’ve seen all sorts. I’ve experienced a lot of men on social media who want to have sex with ANY fat woman in an ‘Any hole’s a goal’ kind of way. They don’t seem to care what a woman is like as a person or anything – because they fetishise the flesh above all else. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that they’re talking to a person. I have heard it said that some fat fetishists make it plain they want to shag people’s fat rolls. What happens in a consensual relationship is none of my business, but I’d be inclined to tell a potential lover to buy a roll of ready-made dough and get freaky with that if he loved rolls above all else.

KA left this comment on fat fetishism vs a preference for fat partners.

For men that I’ve known (and dated), their attraction (not fetish, per se) to larger women stemmed from a larger women who played a role in their development (mother, grandmother, etc).

For men who strictly fetishize fat women, I think that submission and size play a role. Most men seem either want a submissive women or a dominant women. Fat women are great at both– our size makes us intimidating as doms, but our larger size also gives dominant men MORE to dominate over.

However, I think there’s also some truth to the “spaffing” theory. The stereotype that fat women are easy/good lays in ingrained in most men.

The fact that loving/making love to fat women is also taboo plays a role as well. For a lot of men, being with a far girl is their ultimate way of sticking it to the man.

Then I got to wondering if there’s a lot of fetishisation of fat bodies in the kink scene as daring, sexy clothing is often worn and it’s a way to explore sexuality among like minds.

SSF responded  As a fat woman active in the kink community I’m happy to say that my fatness is rarely fetishised. My boots, my corsets, my leather, my breasts often, but just as often as my sadistic glee and my collection of glorious impact toys. My size is rarely if ever mentioned in favour of my Dominance and confidence.

All of my negative experiences of fat fetishism have occurred online and in vanilla settings, not in Kink environments.

LCK said – The biggest kinks I see when it comes to plus size women is the squash and smother fetish, big boob fetish (everything from just liking them, to the bondage of them) and a simple appreciation of curves. The other aspect is the confidence that plus size women have on the scene. It’s so accepting, that you not only get to be yourself, but you are encouraged to be yourself. No one cares what you wear, what you don’t wear, or how you style yourself so long as you’re happy. 

So, these comments and reading this previous I+D article on the kink scene, there seems to be a great deal of respect for each individual’s agency at kink events and participants are treated in a respectful way. Why then is this too much to ask of some fetishists, who turn the most banal of photos into something pervy by telling me in no small detail what they want to do to certain parts of my body? How is it that kinksters can see the person through the pvc and leather, and grown men on social media make fully clothed photos of me all about their cocks? 

How is it that kinksters can see the person through the pvc and leather, and grown men on social media make fully clothed photos of me all about their cocks? 

Ultimately for me, the line between a preference for plus size partners and a fat fetish is RESPECT. When men tell me what they want to do to my tits, arse or vag they aren’t seeing me as a person at all. I’m essentially a Fleshlight with a social media account to them, a vessel. There’s a whole world of difference between someone telling me I’m a pretty girl and someone telling me they want to **beep** my **beep**.

Are there respectful hook ups involving a fat fetish? Are they people out there who enjoy their fat bodies being fetishised? You tell me – over to you.

Authors:

Hi, I'm Leah, a 42 year old feminist and self love warrior with a healthy appreciation for Jason Momoa, sarcasm, expletives and vol au vents. Other interests apart from writing are shutting out the outside world with Netflix binges, metal music, trying to trick cats into loving me and shopping like the economy depends solely on me.

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5 comments

  1. Even if someone does have a fat fetish, it’s not like they can help it. You can’t control these things. Also, saying that they value fat over the person is also wrong.

    By your understanding I don’t have a fat fetish, just a preferrence. Also, although it does not fit your description, I undeniably do have a sweater fetish and if you said that I care more for the garnment she’s wearing than herself then this is just so untrue and so unfair and so offensive I don’t even know where to start.

    To put it another way, there are guys who like conventional beauty standards and are players and do not care about the person, they just want to get laid. So by your way of thinking they’ve got a skinny fetish? And you’re going to demonise them for their kink, and not for being a shitty person? Cause really, you’re confusing someone just being a dick with fetishism.

    Even if someone has a fat fetish there is nothing wrong with it and it’s not at all what’s in the article. So again, you’re confusing things in relation to attraction to one’s looks and to their personality. Skinny girl get guys attracted to their looks while the guy wants just a body to masturbate with, too. Nothing to do with fetishism.

    There’s then also another deal of plain misconceptions regarding dominance and submission – as if there weren’t both subby and dominant and switchy and vanilla chubby chasers. Also, another thought – I don’t understand when someone says “I want others to be attracted to me for who I am and not what I look like” – okay, I understand that you mean the personality.

    BUT. What you look like is a part of yourself. You body is literally yourself, and your mind is a reflection of the physical things happening in the said body (especially the brain). When someone is attracted to your body, they are attracted to YOU. Or at least some aspects of you. Use them as your asset and make them interested in your personality, too. People usually see the looks first to approach a person, and then the personality is what KEEPS them sticking with one partner.

    Also, then the bit about PVC and leather… you have no idea. This is just so ignorant. There’s plenty of shitty guys among media fetishists as well who will act shittily. And there are those who will be okay. NOTHING TO DO WITH A FETISH, the entire premise is wrong.

    You want to be respected, sure, but don’t shame others for their fetish and accuse them of things THEY ARE NOT, of things that are completely irrelevant to the fetish. You have no idea how hurtful it is.

    1. My point is, just don’t make equivalency that a fetishist = shitty person. There are people who are shitty in the way you describe while having absolutely no attraction to anything unconventional and absolutely nobody would ever think of calling them fetishists, they’d just call them assholes, manwhores, fuckboys, players, etc. And there are fetishists who do not share those shitty characteristics at all. Don’t be unfair and judgemental and not even perpetuate but CREATE such hurtful stereotypes.

    2. I think you’ve misinterpreted one of Leah’s statements. “How is it that kinksters can see the person through the pvc and leather, and grown men on social media […] can’t” This article was not an attack on fat fetish, but an exploration of attitude towards weight and dating. You are correct that the scale goes both ways with some men “preferring” incredibly thin women. But where it can become unwelcome attention is when the fetish is the ONLY reason someone wants to be with you.

      We all have our own kinks, stick around you may learn of mine someday. But when one person does not consider the other person may not share their proclivities and keeps pressing, that’s where it turns from a fetish into a plain arse. ( I was going to say dickish, but we like to be inclusive and so far as I know, everybody’s got an arse.) And it’s the same everywhere. Thin women, fat women, gingers, big busted, small busted – you name it, we all get unlooked for attention by those who just can’t see beyond their own immediate desires and the abuse that follows is upsetting and disconcerting.

      Just as we saw in our “dick-pic” article (http://indieplusdesign.co.uk/2017/06/30/why-do-men-send-dick-pics/) there’s loads of views. For you, what are the positive aspects of fat fetish?

  2. My fat might be the thing people notice about me first, but it s not the most important thing about me and it sure as hell isn t ALL there is to me. Some men have a preference for bigger girls, but if they like to get to know a girl as an individual out of a pool of her peers and see her as an equal I don t think that s a fetish.

    1. Exactly! I have a Mark, and he says, “I tend to find larger/curvy girls are more personable/have more personality because they can’t rely on their looks/body alone (according to society at large) they have to develop a personality. This often makes them far more interesting & engaging!

      Curvy/larger girls tend to be more genuine. They also tend to be less conceited…trying to get a curvy girl to genuinely believe you genuinely find her pretty/beautiful/attractive can often be an uphill struggle (cause of the rest of society). Quite often you will have to show/prove that with/thru physical intimacy.”

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