Never Drunk Click Facebook Ads

by  Abigail Tyrrell  

Drunk phoning your ex can have fewer disastrous repercussions to your self-esteem than drunk clicking Facebook ads. I’d tell you the date, but I only partially remember the whole episode. It wasn’t until the bag arrived in the post that bits of what I had done floated to the surface.

You know the ads – if they aren’t straight up Chinese knock offs of (swear they’re real!) Louboutin at half price, it’s the promise of a really great dress in your size that turns out to be one size fits none. On this occasion, it was looked like a truly innovative concept for new plus size bra design. As a lingerie designer, it was a sucker bet, and they had me. A wireless full cup bra that really looked like it supported. So I punched in my size – not seeing the warning in the description, which in my defense was down the page and on the other side of where the sizing was. And look! You could pay with PayPal so if the thing never arrived from you could dispute it and get your money back! For £13.00 I was ready to spend, spend, spend! (I do love to live close to the edge!) And then I promptly forgot all about it.

fig1

fig2

Surprisingly, it arrived far sooner than expected, despite I had forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything. So yay points for the quick delivery. And when I opened it and saw the bra it was as I’d remembered and did look like the ad pictures so more yay points. The times I or friends have opened packages to find complete mysteries … well, there are plenty of sites with eBay prom dress horror pics that I’ll let you google it.

I give you the charmingly named: Wireless Antibacterial Adjustable Anti Sagging Silver Fiber Thin Bras

NOTE:The chest size runs small,pls choose 1 sizes up.For example,according to our size charts,if your size is 36C,you should choose 38C.

There are some absolutely stunning design elements in this bra. It’s such a shame that the proportions are shit. It looked fine and well made out of the packet. I ordered a 40DD, which is my size not their recommended size. Elements I was really happy to see:

  • Instead of the single piece of plastic boning at the side seam they had two. (Outlined on the left for you.) I often use more than two boning channels at the side as I believe side support is crucial to comfort and support. I don’t like using plastic bones as they warm to the body and then reshape/warp. Having more than one bone makes this less likely and will dig in less prolonging the life and comfort of the bra.
  • The elastic at both the band and straps are really wide, thick AND soft.
  • The bra came with a free matching extender. the manufacturers were obviously aware of the size differences and prepared to keep the customer satisfied in case of mismeasuring. This was a well thought out touch.

The inside. It’s a little difficult to see but the centre seam is not quite centre and jigs to the right. Not a big deal, but could distort more over time. Otherwise, the construction is very good. All seams are finished very nicely and well stitched and strong. I am a little puzzled as to why they used hook fasteners for the straps at the back as the straps are quite short and could never be used as a multiway/crossover bra. It may be because the straps are so wide that they could not have flat slides produced…

The cup design has three elements; an outer soft sheer fabric cup, a middle light foam covered cup, and an inner underbust supporting half cup. Underwire channeling is used to define the shape of the bust and anchor the cups together. The antibacterial bits are the “silver” line on the inner cup.

It looks good, but the above image does not show how flat the bra looks. I had real doubts before I even tried it on. And after putting this bra on, it lived up to every one of them.

Fatal flaws:

The band (size 40) fit fine – the cup was a disaster. The support is there but even If I had ordered a band size up and a DD, no way would the cup have been gi enough to hold the ladies in check. I have helpfully, and embarrassingly, outlined the excess of side boob splurging out and over the cups. Frankly, it was a lot worse IRL. Honestly, it felt like I was wearing pasties.

I will have you know the great scarifies I go through for you all! I totally shaved for this photo!

From the sales pic (fig 1), it looks almost like a long line bra, or at least the sides come up really high. Having high wings at the side means better support through the breast root, less friction and rubbing when moving your arms, and allows for smoother drape of your clothes. The sides are actually really short, and the above photo does not accurately represent the overflow. But you can see the area where the side through the breast root is not supported.

The final disaster is the back. Fig2 shows deep and wide wings and wide straps centrally located on the model’s shoulders. The reality is far from it. It is obvious that the pattern was not even scaled, they just added inches onto the band at the hooks. The straps are BARELY on my shoulders – and I have wide shoulders. I am having to shrug my shoulders just to keep them on.

The extra added, final clincher, sell it to you bonus is that your boobs can turn on a lightbulb! Wonder how these look in airport X-ray security machines?

Look Ma! My boobs light up!

The Moral of This Story

Never drink and drive! Or drunk click Facebook ads. Or believe the hype. Or think that Louboutins are less than £200. Or that Google won’t change your ad profile to send you continuous sh*te in your feed from that moment on…

Actually – it ain’t all that bad. As a lingerie designer, I am going to rip this apart and learn from it. Some of the better elements will be absorbed into future soft bra designs. Some won’t. The boob/light ball thing requires further contemplation.

Authors:

With degrees in Psychology, Silversmithing, and an accredited Holistic Therapist (FHT), Ms Tyrrell is an enigma wrapped in chocolate. After 18 years as a professional web developer (LAMP and .NET) and designer, she left to focus on making pants for a living. At some point during the last 12 months, she also thought creating this was a good idea...

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